


Benji (Age 13)

by LadyGrimReaper



Series: Benji [1]
Category: Big Hit Entertainment - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Autism Spectrum, Disabled Character, Female Character of Color, Gen, It Gets Better, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, introduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-28 00:30:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGrimReaper/pseuds/LadyGrimReaper
Summary: I'm going to put slight trigger warnings here: This OC- POC has Asperger's Syndrome.  I'm pulling real life feelings into this story and how it will shape the plot. It's a sort of self examination.___Rin Benji and her need to stay on a schedule. This story is part of her Introduction Arc. Read the notes for more information.





	Benji (Age 13)

Rin Benji 

 

She wakes up. It’s so hard for her sometimes. She leaves herself like 15 minutes to get ready. It works for her. Her dark skin hides most blemishes that pre-teens get. She only splashes water on her face, brushes her teeth, pulls her school uniform on, grabs her backpack, yanks off her hair wrap and goes. Easy.

 

She ignores the mirror. She already knows what she looks like. A dark skinned barely Korean looking little chubby 13 year old. She stands out in a school of pale school age Koreans. 

 

She goes to school. She low-key dislikes her school. She’s the only Afro-Korean here. She doesn’t look anything like her peers. It’s okay though. Her Asperger’s lets her ignore everything but what she truly likes to do. Most of the time. In school, her most favorite subjects are math and science; however, she does extremely well in all the other subjects to as well. She's quiet and respectful of all her elders.  She's also accustomed to her schedules which can be good and bad.

 

At age 13, she’s shorter than everyone at 148 centimeters (4’8”). It’s okay. She’s overweight. And that's okay.  She plays her video games; she reads her books in both English and Korean; she doesn’t really watch television (though she does set aside time to watch both American Idol and America's So You Think You Can Dance); it’s okay. She loves imitating people’s voices on American Idol. She’s startlingly good at it and she likes to surprise her mom with her different voices. 

 

Seriously. It’s okay.

 

Honestly, she doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere until she is forced to start dance classes. Her Black mom signs her up for it while her Korean dad just nods in support. She gets it. She needs to get out in the world. Learn how to navigate. Learn how to speak to other people.

 

It’s absolutely terrifying. It messes up  _ all  _ of her schedules. She's pushed outside of her boundaries and usual day-to-day life. For someone that has Asperger's it's almost akin t o the world working against you and understandably she gets slightly depressed until she learns to cope with a new schedule. (Her grades take a slight dip,  but a stern talking to from her parents makes her work harder to adapt to the new schedule.)

 

She barely speaks. Which is sad because she loves reading and learning about languages and cultures. English is her first language (she said Mama as her first word and  _ abeoji _ as her second). She gets shy when she speaks Korean and ends up stuttering way too much. Benji’s pretty sure that the teachers most likely label her as having a speech impediment. So she is usually silent And doesn’t get much practice speaking to other people at all. The joys of having Asperger’s and people anxiety. 

 

Adding dance class to her schedule was scary until she learns that in  _ dance _ , the body does the talking and not her vocal chords. In class she can let go and express herself in ways that won’t be awkward. If there is a type of awkward dance, she just labels it as contemporary, lyrical and it honestly fits. 

 

For the next year, she develops the daily structure of: Wake up, school, home, dance, home, sleep. She is an comfortable as long as that pattern is established and she's used to it.

 

She grows like 2 centimeters. She’s officially the shortest person in the entire school. She doesn’t lose weight like her mom wants her to. Honestly, she hadn’t hit puberty yet. She’s still growing! Her mom is slightly above average height at 167 cm (5’6”)  while dad is average for Korean male standing at 176 cm (5’9”). She’s not too worried about puberty. She’s not too worried about her weight yet. Ah! Yes, she did actually learn how to control her limbs better. She’s not as clumsy as she used to be. So. That is something she likes to bring up to her mom if she complains about paying for dance lessons while she's not losing weight. (It’s an annoying conversation that pops up at least once a week.)

 

*

 

What she  _ is _ worried about is how the dance studio she’s been dancing at suddenly will change to a cheerleading  gym in a month’s time. Once again she's thrown into the world of unknown when her pattern is disrupted.

 

It’s too easy to revert back to her barely speaking, awkward, no social life self. Her Asperger’s makes it so hard to reach out to people and make friends. Though she wasn’t socially active during the dance time, she still was used to being around people without social anxiety developing.

 

And now, while her chubbiness did not go away, she felt comfortable in her skin while dancing because she knew she had developed layers of dancing muscles, flexibility and stamina. And also the fact that she was placed into adult classes means she got along with adults better anyway.

 

*

 

A cheerleading gym comes to Seoul, South Korea. It literally replaces the dance classes. The damn gym bought the dance studio and isn’t even offering dance classes. It’s a 15 minute walk from her school so she decides to sign up for it due to her dance experience and for something to do after school.

 

When she walks into the new gym, she’s almost overwhelmed by the new sounds, smells and visuals of a functioning cheerleading gym. it takes a good five minutes for her to build up the courage to even go to the front desk and start speaking to the receptionist. She stands by the entrance looking terrified.

 

God she knows she looks like a nerd, braces, glasses, her always present braids pulled back into a high ponytail. 

 

To her surprise, not a single person looks at her like she’s something that should be scraped off from underneath their shoes.  That takes the edge off of her anxiety. She's always had a sensitivity to people even looking into her direction and whispering. They might not even be talking about her and yet she still gets scared and anxious about approaching people or walking into a room that has people in it.

 

Some of her anxiety disappears but she still has trouble speaking in Korean to the woman at the front desk. “ H.H-ello  _ Onna _ , I’m new.. Here? I used to dance at the studio that had occupied this building?” Her voice is a squeaky thing and she immediately feels her face heat up.

 

The woman simply treats her as if she’s the cutest kitten with how she was acting.

 

“Ah!  _ Dongsaeng-ah! _ What is your name you adorable girl!” She’s almost bouncing off the walls with how she’s so energetic. 

 

“My name is Rin Benji! Nice to meet you  _ Onna.”  _ She bows respectfully to the elder just a little bit freaked out because she wasn’t expecting immediate familiarity. Maybe she should have because she did open the conversation with  _ Onna _ . 

 

“Benji-yah, you can go get changed in the locker rooms and we’ll see what classes we can put you in. You do go to school right? You don’t look a day over 11. We have special classes for the nearby school if you’re on any of the spirit squad teams.”

 

This woman was too cheerful. Benji felt socially exhausted already and she hasn’t even been in her presence for more than five minutes. 

 

With a respectful bow in her direction, she leaves to go get changed.

 

She couldn’t wait to hit puberty. She grabs her tummy and frowns at it in the mirror. It’s a horrifically sore topic to be honest. She’s never been a small girl. Unfortunately in Korea, there’s nothing but petite bodies all around her and she might have been the smallest height wise, but body proportion wise she’s obese compared to them all. She’d be lying if she thought that she didn’t have self-esteem issues. Something deep down inside tells her that everything will work out so she believes it and rolls her gymnasium shirt down over her stomach and shuts the locker with her belongings in it.

 

She’s not allowed to have contacts yet so she exchanges her glasses for a smaller pair before leaving the locker room to meet the trainers.

 

It’s her newest friend that greets her on the mat and she feels like she ages 50 years for having to deal with her again. She’s just too… bright and cheery right now. She still bows respectfully because her dad raised her right no matter how unsociable she is (though she apparently still gets some greetings and formal addresses wrong. She’s glad she’s apparently too cute to stay mad at cause she gets away with it almost all the time.)

 

“Benji-yah, come over and start warming up. We need to try flexibility. You did say you danced, right? What styles did you dance?”

 

“I apologize for the familiarity  _ Sun-bae _ , I did not mean any disrespect.” She still didn’t know her elder’s name, but it is alright. She’s not quite sure what honorific to use, but she thinks this one is respectful still. 

 

“No! It’s okay. I am Mok Yeong. Pleasure to meet you. Now styles of dance.” She leads the younger in progressively more difficult stretches while she talks. With first arm stretches. Benji doesn’t seem to notice really as she eventually finds herself tummy down on the floor in a full length straddle, her voice muffled by the mat.

 

“Ah… I’ve danced multiple.. Jazz, lyrical, contemporary, hip hop. I’m not too good with any of them , I just enjoy all of them.” Benji blinks, realizing she’s now laying on her left leg almost while the other leg is extended behind her in a left split. 

 

“Well you certainly have the flexibility to be here Benji.  Have you ever tried tumbling?”

 

Benji stands and bends in half to place her hands by her feet,  grunting as a little bit of pressure is released from her back. The stretch is amazing and she’s feels herself falling into a trance as she answers questions absentmindedly. “I have the basic cartwheel, round off and assisted back walkover. I don’t think I have enough strength for the more intense skills.” She stands and almost effortlessly lands into a back-bend, trying to fully stretch out her back. God she didn’t know that she held quite a bit of stress there. She points her toes, letting her legs fully stretch out to get every bit of stress out. It’s a bit difficult from there to settle onto her elbows because, yes she’s a bit heavy-set, but her body is flexible around the layers of fat. 

 

It’s going to be a bit difficult to build up the strength for gymnastics, but she is determined.

 

*

 

Half a year later and she’s improved so much that she’s placed into the male advanced tumbling classes that meet 5 days a week.  She learns a lot about herself in this class because all the other males do not treat her like a delicate female. They don’t care about how she looks or what she wears or whatever. She can learn to at least like herself in this class. 

 

It comes to no surprise that she’s the youngest and she calls everyone “Hyung”. The first time she did, everyone looked at her in surprise and she only looked back explaining in a small voice: ‘What? You guys treat me like a little brother. I’ve never felt so included in my entire life’. She had rolled her eyes when all the guys tackled her and messed with her little baby dreadlocks with cooing sounds and head pets. She _knows_ she kneed some inner thighs and areas-too-close-to-their-prides to get away  and went back to attempting her back handspring, double full. (She falls on her face the first time, getting a round of laughter. She responds with a nice middle finger gesture when the adult instructors aren’t looking.) Her second and third attempt are much more successful and she gets shouts of encouragement each time she gets close to landing on her feet the right way.

Her heart _melts_ at the camaraderie and she **_pushes_ **herself that much more to get harder tumbling passes and tumbling skills down from that day forward.

At age 14, almost 15, she’s only grown a few more centimeters(4’11” on a good day or 150 cm) , her baby fat is still stubborn, but what  _ has  _ grown are her shoulders, legs muscles, and weirdly hand size. She rivals some of the guys’ hand sizes. So her androgynous teenage body is perfect for what happens next.

*

There’s a poster for Big Hit Entertainment, a music production company, at the door that calls for back-up dancers, males ages 15+. 

It’s like a light that shines down upon her while she’s reading the call-outs and she suddenly  _ wants. _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hello! You made it this far! I'm very pleased. So what I'm literally doing is I'm assigning prompts and writing topics to a dart board and throwing darts at the board to see what I write next. If people write prompts to me in comments and I have the urge, I'll definitely pull prompts from the comment section. The urge hits whenever, the urge hits hard sometimes, and sometimes I dream about what I want to write. I'm still working on my ability to write so I apologize in advance for the shit storm.  
> Also - I really would like feedback on my respecting Korean culture. I legit did hours of research for honorifics and customs and I feel like I'm going to seriously mess something up. So feel free to correct me on things because I really like learning about culture.


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